My friends,

This evening, I was arrested by the Romanian Police. I have been served
paperwork by the police and the SRI informing me of a pending
extradition to Germany to face criminal charges. After investigation and
discussion with the police, my Romanian lawyer (not Jess Radack, but my
personal criminal defense lawyer) has found details of the charges. I am
being extradited to face a charge under Strafgesetzbuch section 86a,
which bans, amongst other things, the use of "slogans of
unconstitutional organizations". That is all the confirmed information I
have regarding the charge, and while I don't know *why* I'm facing this
charge, I can speculate.

For about 3 weeks, I displayed a JOKE on the front page of cock.li that
shook the text on the page and displaying a rotating webm that said
"HITLER DID NOTHING WRONG". I did this while the server was hosted in
Germany, so I think this is what this is about. I've never been
unironically racist in the entire history of the site, so this is the
only thing I can come up with.

Here is a video of the joke: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM3PU3w_Tr4

I've also been informed that my extradition is being expedited because I
am scheduled to undergo investigative surgery. The prosecution office in
the city of Zwickau believes I may have a surgically-implanted storage
device. The SRI performed forensics on my storage devices in my
apartment and did not find another copy of the cock.li data, and they
are clearly cock-hungry faggots craving another copy of the site so they
are taking any means necessary to fuck with me.

For the protection of my own personal freedom, and the freedom of my
users to E-mail cocks in peace, it is my plan upon arrival in Deutsches
Reich to challenge the prosecutor, Jürgen Pfeiffer, to a trial by
combat. Judicial combat is a Germanic traditional way of settling legal
disputes in use in the Middle Ages. It hasn't been in use on German land
since the Holy Roman Empire in the 16th century, but seeming how we're
apparently bringing back the Stasi, one more throwback couldn't hurt.

If Mr. Pfeiffer accepts my offer, a battle will be held to decide the
victor over these bogus charges, the scheduled investigative surgery, as
well as the confiscation of my beloved hard drives. I'll fight for my
users -- with memes or steel, I will be victorious.

Mr. Pfeiffer is welcome to confiscate this dick if he's still hungry.

BTW if you want your E-mail back here's his phone number: +49 375 5092
517. I can be reached at +1 (206) 203-6677.

-- 
    Vincent Canfield
         -cock-
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